SO, I've been in turmoil (nothing new except the subject matter) of trying to define some things in my life. I like definition, order, organization etc...keeps me focused. So, I have this situation, I am constantly pulled into like a magnet the size of eternity has control over my direction. I've tried walking away from the pull, ignoring the pull and even pretending that I didn't feel the weight of the pull. But nothing has worked.
I need to go this direction. Even if there's so much fog blurring what's in front of me (this makes me so very anxious) I know that I must follow that pull. Here comes the crazy part of the turmoil. I have, for more than 5 years now, felt this unexplainable pull that I just can't leave alone. I've seen it as something I must do, must have, must experience...but, I've felt similarly in the past. With different addictions. So, here's the messy part...how do you truly know if it truly is a magnetic attraction that must be followed versus an addiction, magnetic or not?
Addictions can be anything...food, drugs, alcohol, sex, approval seeking, etc etc. But, how do you know what you're facing? How do you know what's real and what's hiding? I had someone tell me, "you shouldn't have to work so hard to keep something/someone in your life". But, I thoroughly disagree. If something/someone is truly a magnetic attraction, you should want to do what ever it takes to keep that person/situation a happy one. Take a job/career for instance. You've felt since childhood that you were meant to be this thing. You work your entire life getting to that goal. You get your job started and you find it's a perfect fit and you're happy. Now, shouldn't you do anything and everything you can to keep that situation happy?
I believe this answer is yes. However, here is where the answer would become no. Are you the only one doing what it takes to keep a happy situation, then is it worth the fight alone? Are you leaning on anyone to help and they're just not interested? Are you putting in time and effort but seeing no return? Getting mixed signals/information? THIS is when you shouldn't fight so hard. THIS is when you should look for a new/different situation.
Staying in THIS is when it's damaging and addictive. The magnet is not what is pulling you but your addiction to the situation. Your unwillingness to let it go. So, what you must then decide is do you want to continue to feed this addiction or do you want to find a real magnetic attraction?
