First night taking care of my kitty friends, I'm so excited to see them again.
But my joy is short lived,
The ride home was unexpectedly long and delayed.
Ample time to reflect while sitting in the broken down car on a dark rainy night.
Tow truck arrives earlier than projected,
Finally safe from oncoming traffic, this young man is quite protective.
My Wednesday is finally over,
as I send my baby girl back with her father.
The dark rainy night hides my pain and my tears.
Thursday brings marathon watching Gilmore Girls,
No more traditions or all the frills.
My blessing, my safe place will soon be home,
I must find the courage to prepare his dinner.
We eat in my new and foreign fashion,
Night two of insomnia waits for the quiet.
I cry, I fidget and fuss, waiting for rest or the sun to arise,
Time to say goodbye as he leaves me isn't very wise.
Thru the rest of this dreadfully long and lonely weekend I find my reasons,
It's good to be thankful during the Thanksgiving season.
My grown children don't visit or call,
They've made a life for themselves is all.
I have an added child that fights to call me mom,
She doesn't realize yet how my heart has expanded.
I have the room in this huge spacious heart,
Always waiting for the ones God sends to bring new art.
My life is heavy but no longer so dark,
I have found my way thru to the light.
Tell them you're good and no longer so lonely,
Then when you're alone you can strip down the layers.
Alone allows all the judging of the ways you've gone wrong,
The comments, the actions that just didn't belong.
I know how to reflect, analyze and regret,
But I cannot give up, there's more to fail yet.
I have the rules, the authority and gavel,
I know too well how far my mistakes will travel.
But to be wiser and fairer and smarter and giving,
All to make another's life worth living.
I am so very thankful for all the new chances,
I try and I pray that I make no new messes.
I love my life and I know I am blessed,
But there's still so many areas of my heart that are wrecked.
How do I keep going, forward I know,
But my messy heart heals so very slow.
I miss them, so very much and I wish they knew,
Just how thankful I am to have a reason to be blue.
Red is my favorite color, of this I can now share,
But she wouldn't be proud of me, how could she dare.
I've made so many wrong steps and stupid decisions,
She only would impart her judgmental wisdom.
Red is for whores, this you should know,
If you do not do as I say, I will always say go.
Go away from me, far enough away to miss,
Then I can brag about you to others as I reminisce.
Of the perfect child, though you were not,
But I tell them how perfect you became and how I miss you alot.
I miss so very many though they will never guess,
My life is always so complicated, a mess.
I'm thankful today, I truly am,
I have a life that I never thought was real.
God has given it to me and to me alone,
It is mine until the day I receive my headstone.
