Failure Pursues Success

So, after posting last time about letting go taking so much strength, this week, I write about the failure of letting go yet the pursuit of success despite failure.

I tried, albeit, not as hard as I should have or maybe even could have, guess that shows the desire to hold on.  But, in this failure, there was also success, which is driving me harder to let go. Some things that I need to let go of are inanimate things put into my thinking long ago by others and fed upon by yet others over the years.  These things, thoughts or beliefs really, are debilitating and control most of what I do, say, think, feel etc.  I'm not model thin, though I used to be by desire to be accepted.  I'm not the smartest, though I'm quite intelligent due to the drive to always keep up.  I'm not the best at anything though I come close to being the best at worrying. 

This past week, I have worked really hard to give up some of these negative things that I have always clung so tightly to throughout most of my life.  I failed, most everyday, at letting go of them. Though, in unexpected flashes, I found myself focusing on more positive thoughts about myself.  I know I am not the best mother by far, however, at least once this week, without my provocation, each of my children stated that they loved me and thanked me for something I said or did...that makes any mother feel good, I felt overwhelmingly blessed and took time to focus on the fact that "I must have done something right".  I know that I don't get as much done as I would like or believe that I should get done, however, this week, regarding one particular situation, I looked back on what I had done and slightly praised myself for my accomplishments.

I am always so very aware of all of my failures, I am my own worst critic.  But, the feelings invoked this past week by accepting some positive self feedback, I may have overall failed on letting go, but I also very much found the desire to pursue success in continuing to let go of the negative and focusing more on holding on to the positive.  My success at positive thinking is/was my rainbow this week!

How precious are your thoughts about me,^[a] O God.
    They cannot be numbered!  Psalm 139:17

All my love, Me.