Have you ever found yourself in the middle of something and be overwhelmed with questions? How did I end up here? What is the point of this situation? Where will I end up at the end of this situation? So on and so on...questions, doubts, worries, wishes...really no end to it.
I have had a roller coaster of these situations this past year or so (maybe closer to 2 years) in which I have questioned myself so much over the recent past, I believe I am out of questions, well, at least for a moment. But, I have had a breakthrough recently that came, believe it or not, through the death and loss of my daddy. February 22, 2014 will be a date that will forever resound so very loudly in my head, not only was it my parents 40th wedding anniversary, but it was the day that the man I called daddy left my physical self. Just a few short months later, I also lost the woman I called Mama (yes, 2 sets of parents & I know I was blessed!) when she succumbed to cancer, the beast. Needless to say, the remainder of 2014 and the beginning of 2015 have passed by in much of a blur. I believe, in remembering daddy on the year anniversary of his passing, I began the questioning that led to my breakthrough.
See, daddy met my mom when I was already on my way and my sister was already 1 & 1/2 and he married all of us. This was not heard of much in the early 70's, but daddy did things his way. He loved mom, and he didn't want to let go of her. I often questioned why daddy would have been put in our lives. I spent so much of my time growing up, and a lot of it after becoming a mom myself, questioning so many things that revolved around daddy being a part of my life. Then, one very unexpected day last year, my relationship with daddy forever changed. But, a year later, I realize, that through the end of daddy's life, the end of our physical relationship, I have gained understanding to so many things that I previously questioned. Why, for example, was daddy brought into our lives? Well, the man biologically responsible for mine and my sister's birth was anything but a good example of what a man, husband & dad should be. Daddy showed my mom that abuse wasn't needed in a relationship/marriage. Daddy showed my sister and I the unconditional love that should flow from a dad to his daughters. Daddy showed my baby brother how to be a stand up dad and husband. Daddy showed me how it was possible to love family that did not genetically begin as your family.
I had a lot of questions and unsurities when I was in the midst of my physical relationship with daddy, no answers....until the end of that relationship. There is a very spiritual situation that has brought forth the same revelation. Some had to have questioned so many things about the birth and life and death of Christ. So many questions that in no way could have had answers at the time so desperately needed. But, the end of the life of Christ here on earth answered so many of those questions, answers that could only come from the end. The revelation of this has made me look at current situations in which I have an abundance of questions, situations in which I believe the best and right thing is to see the situations come to an end. This new revelation has me understanding that through the end of a given situation, we may, then and only then, understand the need for that situation. This has been such an amazing and liberating rainbow for me. I hope this revelation assists you who may as well be in the midst of your own abundance of questions.
All my love, me.
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