Yourself, Described by Others

So, a few days ago someone called me something that didn't set well with me. It was not a derogatory word, but it caused me to wonder if this is the only way that person saw me or if there was something with more substance they would choose to describe me. This turned around in my head for several days until I subjected myself to an anxiety creating test. I publicly requested those that know me to use one word to describe me. I was terrified of the responses as I feared they would use words that I use to describe myself. I was blown away, truly, by the responses.

I received: loving; loyal; kind; empathetic; trustworthy; strong; stubborn; obstinate; layered; loving; selfless giving.

These are not words that I would normally use to describe myself. They are however, words that I would want to be used to describe me. Words that I would want to live up to for others. But surprisingly, the word, or words like it, that started all of this was not once used when others were confined to just one word. That made me feel really good about myself, until I started thinking (yes, too much thinking messes things up). So then I started thinking, do I handle everyone I meet and/or come in contact with on the level that I handle those that I allow to get close to me? I don't believe that I do, I am pretty certain that I, in fact, do not handle all this way and this is why people who are not close to me would describe me as a snob, stuck up, unapproachable and rough in my speech and tone.

This is not how I want people to think about me. I have tried during the time that has passed since my tortuous test to be a bit more open with others with my deep hearted traits rather than the negative, first impression descriptions. I do not want to have others think that I am less than those words mentioned by others. I want to surpass those words to the next level. I want to be that good of a person. So, my rainbow in my test was seeing what others truly thought of me and not what I feared they would think.

However, my biggest rainbow in all of this has become a new found desire to step out of my rough, secure exterior and allow others that may not know me so well to see the more internal self sooner than I generally allow it. This desire has become greater than my social awkwardness and anxiety. This is my real rainbow, stepping out of my anxiety driven seclusion into a world unknown to me.

All my love, Me