Positive Memories

Do you remember when you first kissed her? She does. Do you remember what you said after that kiss? She could still quote it. Do you remember how it felt the first time you held her in your arms? She hasn't forgotten. What she forgets, always, is how it feels to be truly loved. To have someone who wants nothing more than her time. To have someone who shares similar interests as she has always held alone. She forgets the nice words that have been whispered because every day she's reminded of the harsh words that she hears. She finds it difficult to hold on to the positive that happens rarely when her hands become full of the negative that is her daily reality.

I wonder, how would you choose to remind her of the positive in the middle of her turmoil? Would you tell her it's simply mind over matter? Well, her mind is focused on what matters at that moment. Would you tell her she can change her situation if she really desired to do so? She would remind you of her heart condition that caused you to fall for her and ask you how she can turn her back on loved ones. How do we fall in love with others? What causes the connection? More importantly, I think, is what can be strong enough to break that connection? Was it ever really there? How do you know?

Living in a fairy tale has never been my desire. Fairy tales only ever serve one purpose in my world, a break from reality. Sometimes, that break from reality is the only thing that keeps me sane. We all have negative things in our daily lives that we must endure. Some of them we may well bring upon ourselves, some of them are brought about by others. However, the results of daily living are the same, you must find your own way of working through the negative in order to refocus on the positive. Each of us has learned our own ways of doing this, and, if we are smart, we are always learning new and better ways to improve our ability to put our focus on the positive, even in the middle of our turmoil.

This is my rainbow recently. I have learned a new way of focusing on the positive in my life. This happens in many small ways all throughout my day. It might simply be wearing a shirt that a loved one gave me. Maybe it's remembering something whispered in a sweet moment. It could be a random "I love you" said by one of the kids that bless my life. One thing that I have come to realize in this ever evolving journey that is my life, is that I cannot hold anyone responsible for my happiness and focus. That responsibility lies only at my feet. My decisions. My thoughts. My rainbows. Today, I choose the happiness of, somewhat, quiet solitude in a library away from the regular distractions and responsibilities and my thoughts.

I do remember that first kiss. I can quote what was said after. I remember being held. I remember nice words spoken in tender moments. I choose to focus on the positive today through remembering. Today, my rainbow is the smile that crosses my face when I remember my time with you.

All my love, me