I know my flaws, I am my own worst critic. It's truly fascinating, the psychology of how deep the scars are of those abused. If you think I messed up on a level of a 2, I will see it as a 7....much worse. All of these things makes it excruciating when it comes to accepting love, whether in the form of parental love, offspring love, friendship love or significant other love; it is all just painful to accept as real and true. I always question the truth of it, no matter who says how they feel.
But, there's another side. I crave love and acceptance from others. This can be and has been devastating. I have sought this from others that were not healthy for me to be involved with and caused even more scars. Some of these situations have lasted much longer than necessary. Then there are the situations where I want so badly to believe the person that I am oblivious to their lies, cheating, and manipulating that by the time I recognized it for what it was, the pain I suffered caused me to build yet another wall.
This situation has happened again recently. I have been feeling not smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, funny enough....just not enough, especially when compared to others. But today, in some very rare alone time, I was reminded of some very important information.
My creator made me in His image and He is perfect. He is the healer of my scars, even the deepest ones. I do not need another wall built, I need only to allow Jesus´ love to continue tearing them down. I do not need others to prove my self worth, I am worthy because I am His child.
I am strongest when I give Him my weakness and walk not on my own but in His strength. I have realized today that I do not have to be where I do not belong. I can and will and deserve to continue my journey to improve who I am, discover who I want to be and become who I am meant to become. My rainbow will be bright and strong...it will not fade.
All my love, me
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