How many parts do you have? Yes, this is a ambiguous question. Medically, someone knows this answer. But, I mean, role/personality wise. Let me start...
When we're born, we are someone's child. So, we are a son or a daughter. We behave a certain way for and with our parents. If we are fortunate, we have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings. We are another role with each of them and we likely behave differently in each role.
As we grow, we enter school. Now we are someone's student. Another role, another behavior. If we are brought up in a religious home, we have yet another role and another behavior. Our culture often dictates a certain behavior with certain roles. SO, now you have an understanding of my original question. Now, let's dig into me...
I have so many roles and they each have different behaviors. This is so very troubling to me so very often. I have the role of daughter, but since I have 2 families, I have 2 behaviors for this role. Also, each parent required a different behavior for this role (that's 4 if you're keeping score) so I currently have 2 behaviors for my daughter role. I'm a mom...that's a huge role!! Well, I have 4 children and anyone with children (no, not child), knows that your behaviors are a bit different for each child. So, y'all, I'm up to 2 roles and 8 behaviors! I'm a sister. I was raised with 1 sister and 1 brother...1 older and 1 younger. Another role, 2 more behaviors. I also have siblings that I was not raised with...that's 9 more siblings, 9 more behaviors! I also have cousins, aunts, uncles etc. Now, this is my family role. My personal and professional roles are even more. I am a wife. I am a friend. I am an employee and a coworker. I am a Christian, a neighbor, a colleague. I am a sister in law, niece, etc... These roles all have different behaviors. I have always wanted that one person that I can be ME with and not have to worry about roles and behaviors. I've always wanted a friend or a significant other who saw me in all my roles and behaviors and say, it's ok, just breathe. I color but believe it or not, while some people are supportive, others have some harsh criticisms.
I write, some read them and have good feedback, others tell me what a negative thing I've said or written or have some other thing to say to let me know that I shouldn't write what's in my head and put it out in public. I like to decorate for holidays. Not just for my kids, who are now grown now. BUT FOR ME! I like what I like. But, here's my biggest role and behavior....take notes now y'all.
I. DO. FOR. OTHERS. This is who I am at my deepest core. If someone doesn't like my hair that way, I don't wear it that way. If someone says that shirt makes me look.....I get rid of the shirt. If someone says I sound too snobby rather than intelligent, I dumb myself down. If my decorations are silly, I don't do them, for years. I want to be able to be me. I want to do away with this role and these behaviors. I. WANT. TO. BE. ME. But this is the hardest role to edit and make changes to and behavior modification is almost impossible. But, I've decided to be me and just hope and pray that the right people accept me as I am and as I choose to be.
My rainbow in this rant? I just literally met an amazing woman while writing this and I was, ME!
All my love, Me
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